Peeta's Before the Games Anxiety
by nightosphere
Summary: Peeta has always been fairly slick. Girls come easy to him, except for the one he wants. He never got picked for reaping until his sixteenth year. He always has a strategy, except when he has to have one for the Games. Rated T for language.


**Hey guys! I'm Margaret, not Suzanne Collins, so therefore I do not own the Hunger Games. Or any of the quotes from her book that I used here. Unfortunately.**

I didn't understand why I had cried during the goodbyes. I could have held in every single ounce of salt water that spilled, but I decided that it would show my family how much I was going to miss them. Our family isn't very affectionate, but I knew that would get the message across. Now I regret it. Seeing all the reporters and cameras there waiting for me, right outside the door, I realized how big of a mistake that was. Everyone now thought I wasn't anything to watch out for. I made a beeline for the train, not that it helped all that much. I did the best I could to cover my face, but I know that everyone now has my tears in photograph.

"All right, you two," Effie sighs as the train starts moving. She grumbles something about the train being too slow. "I'll show you two to your rooms. You have all the options in the world, but remember that you must be back for supper in the hour." She sounded scripted, as if she'd said this before to the many other tributes before us.

I head straight for my room. I don't look at Katniss, she doesn't look at me. She even seems a little bored. She's much more prepared for this than I am, I can tell the way her face is so stoic.

Watching the Reapings replay, I didn't know how to handle the rapid amount of information that was throwing itself into my brain. I wanted to take in all of it. Every single bit. I wanted to memorize each tribute. I wanted to know what I was up against. I wanted to be prepared for whatever challenges I was about to face. But I was so scared deep inside myself that I didn't understand how I was going to do that. I was constantly consumed by the ever-looming Games. All I was thinking about was how I had no strategy whatsoever and I didn't know what I was going to choose.

So while I was crumpled under the sheets, watching the Reapings of the other districts, I couldn't help thinking about my district partner.

Katniss Everdeen was important, but as was my own safety. I didn't even know how I felt about her yet. I definitely cared for her, but was she more important than keeping me alive? She definitely had more favorable odds than I. The question I was really having trouble answering was, at what point do I decide that another girl's life is more important than my own?

This was the question I was thinking of, sitting in bed. The interview where I'm going to tell the crowd about Katniss Everdeen, but... what would she do? She's always been unpredictable. I could only hope she'd even pay attention.

She was not one to focus except when absolutely needed. She would either sit there, silently reviewing which knots could be useful in a given environment, or she would focus intently on every word I spouted, questioning if I was worth worrying about.

I realized that it was almost time for dinner. When I got to the dining room, only Effie was there.

"Where's Haymitch?"

"He's somewhere, I don't know." Effie was obviously a little bitter about Haymitch. She kept craning her head to look for him. "Your mentor has a lot to learn about presentation. A lot about televised behavior."

I laugh. Effie's just like my mother. Everyone's expected to be perfect. "He was drunk. He's drunk every year."

"Every day," Katniss says. She's still walking down the corridor towards us.

"Yes," Effie hisses. "How odd you two find it amusing. You know your mentor is your lifeline to the world in these Games. The one who advises you, lines up your sponsors, and dictates the presentation of any gifts. Haymitch can well be the difference between your life and death!"

She's right. But I'm not going to let him be the one to let me die. Just then, Haymitch staggers into the compartment. "I miss supper?" he says in a slurred voice, just before he vomits.

"So laugh away!" Efie says, as Haymitch falls into his own puke.

I quickly eat dinner and leave, dragging Haymitch by the waist. Katniss and I don't even acknowledge one another. Although, I don't blame her. Neither of us know where we stand yet.

So as I sat in my bed later that night, I couldn't help but think about what it would be like if she even cared about me. What would that mean for the Games? Would we form an alliance? Would she forget about me and run away?

I decided that it would be me who would run. She has indicated clearly enough that she wants nothing to do with me. I turned off the show and ran down the hall when I came across a set of stairs. I ran up the stairs and looked around. There was nothing up here but some plants. I looked down, and there was the Capitol. There were skyscrapers everywhere. There were lights on every floor of the buildings. This was stuff that I'd only read about in my textbooks back home on Culture and Civilization. I shot into the corner covered in plants. It was a little unnerving for a guy like me, so used to the short, stocky buildings we have back home.

And yet, with all these new sights, I could not stop thinking about her. I would not let her random behavior affect my survival. Maybe my mom didn't think I could win the Games, but stranger things have happened. I remember one time when I was about four, there was a very young boy, I think he was thirteen, from District Twelve, that made it all the way to the last ten. He was completely underestimated. He didn't have any special talents. Everyone let him live because there were more people to kill. More "worthy opponents." I know if he can make it that far, I can.. right? It's not like I have a choice.

It's not like I have anything anymore. My family, my friends, my chances with Katniss, my... life. They're all gone.

I dragged my palms across my face, as if I could wipe my weakness away and a survivor would appear instead. I'm just a baker from District Twelve. And they are the trained killers from Districts One, Two, and Four; the huntress from District Twelve.

I didn't want to stay anymore. Hearing all the drunken idiots from the Capitol scream and go crazy made me more angry than I wanted to be before trying to sleep. Although it's not like I was going to get any. This is driving me up a wall! How are any kids expected to deal with the pressure? I feel like the whole country's watching me melt down!

By the time I got back to my room, I was already seething. I've got nothing, because of these Games. It's the Capitol telling me my life is nothing.

Just as I got to the door, I see Haymitch staggering forward. I ignore him and open my door, but he stops me from entering.

"What are you doing out here, huh, pretty boy?" His drunken slur was to be expected, but there was a note of curiosity in his voice. Haymitch couldn't have paid less attention to me, and now he cared why I was roaming around?

I raised my eyebrow. "I'm just going back to my room," I said, avoiding the question. "I could ask you the same."

"Oh, you know. I just woke up." I'd forgotten that Haymitch had fallen asleep at the dinner table.

"Well, see you tomorrow." I opened my door.

"Stop," he ducked his head a little and started signalling in case I couldn't hear him by putting his hand up.

What did he want now? This man has offered me nothing, but he wants to take my sleep away from me. "Do you need another shower?" I asked wryly.

"No, I'm all powder fresh now," he replied with a sarcastic chipper tone. "I needed to know if you were hoping to win. I only ask because in the past, there have been some suicidal tributes. Too scared to face their new life, I guess." He casually waved his arms, like he was asking me how the weather was.

"I... Of course, but it's not likely."

He didn't deny it. "I didn't ask that, now, did I?"

I didn't respond. I looked at him, shook my head sharply, and shut my door behind me.

Safe to say I didn't sleep much that night.

Waking up to Effie Trinket is like waking up to go to school. You don't want to get out of bed, or even realize that you're about to go into the gates of a hell-hole. You want to hold onto those five seconds of heaven where you don't remember the horrifying events of the past day.

"Get up, up, up, it's going to be a big, big, big day!" She was so upbeat for it being so early.

I mumbled in response and rolled over.

"Breakfast is coming soon," she reminded me as she strolled out the door.

She may be from the Capitol, but she sure knows how to get teenage boys up in the morning.

I slowly pulled myself up and got out of bed. To shower or not to shower? I guess better to than to not. My prep team would be extremely disappointed if they found me in this condition. And these showers here are amazing! They have all different scents of soap and shampoo, and you can even get hot water! Being one of the slowest in my family to get up in the morning, I end up with cold water all the time. This was well worth being woken up so early.. however, not worth the Games.

I went to the dining room and immediately started eating. I know manners are important, but I couldn't help it. The food is nothing like what I get back home. All that's left after our merchandise has been in the counter for a week is stale bread. Not even a bruschetta, either, just the sourdough. (It tastes like a rock when it's old! The bruschetta at least has some flavor left in it!)

Katniss sauntered in soon after. I saw her give me a quizzical look out of the corner of my eye, but didn't pay much attention to it. I wasn't going to bother analyzing our relationship anymore. (Or was there any relationship to begin with?)

**So, starting a new fic... my first, to be truthful. I'm kind of nervous about it because I didn't read through it again like I told myself I was going to. I also made this kinda short for a regular chapter, although it took a long time to write. I'm pretty knew to writing so I write a lot less in a large amount of time so I hope this will satisfy for now... :) Reviews are always appreciated! **


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